Class Talk

Well this blog is certainly not just about my transition and the steps I am taking to go through it, but in a sense anything I write in here is about it because it is a daily thing for me and everything I do, or happens to me is in some way related to the fact that I am who I am. right? right!

But anyway, I am sitting here this morning (got up at 7 am) getting ready to go to UNC Pembroke (University of North Carolina) to speak to a class on being transgender.

I have gone to this University a few times now, once for a Anti-Bullying Symposium of which I served on a panel of speakers, once for a drag show that was put on by the local GSA called SAGA (great success) and once to speak to that group as well about how it was for me being transgender.

So I guess with Robert heard from one of the Professors about wanting speakers for his class he thought of me. I am honored, I am glad that all of my hard work is paying off and that I actually have an effect on people’s lives. I am trying to help others like me, and others in my community to come to peace with their lives and help them in their journey. This is not just transgenders, it is the entire GLBT community I am trying to help here.

Anyway I am going to this class and speaking on being transgender, how my process began, what I am doing now and what I have to do to feel as though my outside matches my inside. I am bringing PJ (19 yr old daughter) with me. She thought it would be nice to have her there so she could answer any questions from a child of a transgender’s prospective. (did I use the proper punctuation there? probably not.. anyway) She figures she can give them some insight about how it is to have a mother who is now her father. I think she is right.

Amazingly I am not nervous in the least bit about this talk today. Maybe because it is so informal (tho the talk with SAGA was informal as well) maybe it is because I have spoken at so many things now that I am not as nervous. Perhaps it is just because I am not there yet. Who knows?

Anyway I better get finished getting ready. I will do a follow up blog about how it went.

Professor Stephens, here I come, hope your class is ready for this. LOL

YES!!!!!!

So as the video indicates I have started my testosterone. I am so very excited and I cannot wait to see the changes as they come. So far I have noticed that my metabolism and my libido have increased. Now if this is from the T or just my overactive imagination I do not know nor do I care. If it is just my imagination, then I will take that for now.

As promised I am going to keep track of my progress here.

After waiting for so long and waiting and waiting and waiting. I am finally here and I am so very happy. Now to raise the money I need to get the chest surgery done.

Not the first step to my transition, but definitely another big step in this journey of mine.

I cannot even begin to express how this is making me feel except simply glorious and whole. What more can I say than that?

The ability to vent

ok I am not going to go through all of this Harris crap again. If you want to see what I had to say about it from the position of President of The Alliance go here http://thealliancenc.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/today-is-monday/

If you are here, you have come to see what Storm, the person, the transgender man, the father, the future husband and the human being has to say.

I am so sick and tired of the hatred, the vileness, the nasty waves of energy going through this state because of this Amendment. I am tired of trying to get narrow minded closed hearted people to see exactly what it is going to do. I am not a lawyer, I can’t point out all of the things the wording of it leaves open to harm us. Though there are lawyers out there who can and who have tried over and over again to show people the harm and sometimes it just does not seem to matter to them.

We have people who keep yelling about “family values” Yes a man at our Saturday protest yelled that out of his car window as he drove by. I will not assume I knew how he was implying it, but I simply said “EXACTLY”

OMG we are families. We raise children, we have holidays, we have happy days and sad days. We even fight among ourselves. Just because what I have under my jeans is different than what you think it should be does not mean I am any less human than you are. And it certainly does not mean I deserve less than any other person in this country or world for that matter.

I have three beautiful children and the two oldest I gave birth two, and guess what!!!??? for the first 12 years of their life. I raised them ALONE!!! Without a so called “man” ( let me say those who know me, know I am saying that only because the world perceives me as female) Want to know something else? The oldest is a freakin genius and is in college and does NOT have a criminal record yes, she is female. Now the next one is a male.. did ya hear that. a MALE.. and guess what.. he is not in freakin jail! He is not a hoodlum! He is respectful towards women and children and even hateful vile spewing people. Why?? Because I taught him that.. oh and guess what.. He calls me Dad! If some looked at me they would say.. “no son that is your mom” (yeah hard to miss the DD’s bumps on the chest)

So tell me something is my son a good son because he was raised for the first 11 years of his life by a man or a woman? Either way he was missing one of them wasn’t he?  Ok so now that Angel and I are together and yes Angel is a woman, and they call her mom. Does that mean they have a mom and dad in their life so therefore that is why they turned out so nice? Whoa hold up, look at me physically (for those of you who do not get a freakin clue) take a look, we are both “female” (by your standards) but again our kid are not in jail do not have records and have never been in trouble with the law whatsoever. So tell me now what are they missing? I will tell you what they have

THEY HAVE TWO LOVING PARENTS! I am a transgender man.. (for those who are not privy of what that is, I was born into a female body and I am taking steps to make it male) and my wife (in our eyes) is a female. Want to know what we did to have such great children?

WE LOVED THEM! We taught them the difference between love and hate. Oh and guess what, when my son played with his sister’s dolls and she played with his trucks. I DID NOT TOUCH THEM ONCE!.. oh and guess what else. They have never been beatened, or told they should be one way or the other.

They have been loved and taught to love. Oh so now lets see some might start saying, ok well you are a sinner Storm and you will be going to hell.. well guess what.. I am perfectly ok with my Karma and if your idea of heaven is filled with people who think nothing by hatred.. then I am glad to not have an invite there thank you very much.

Man sometimes working in this community and having to deal with the hatred people have of us is so emotionally draining and I try my very best to keep my anger down and to respond in a positive way. But this is my personal blog and still I am not attacking any one person. I am attacking the hatred, the vile spewing people who spread such hate.. so again I am ok with my Karma. but really sometimes I just want to say some familiar four letter words and scream into the sky.

Ok going to get something to drink and I will come back and make another post and let all my friends know about my appointment on Friday.

Stay strong my sisters, brothers and children.

-Storm

Starting My T (testosterone) May 4th 2012

On May 4th I will be heading up to Raleigh to go to my first appointment to start T. 


I have been waiting for this appointment forever. I really mean forever too. I am nervous and I am excited. 


Tonight on National Geographic there will be a documentary airing called American Transgender. I saw a clip for it and in the clip was a young man named Eli talking about how his body began to change after taking his shots. He decided to record the changes monthly. I figure that is a good idea as long as I don't set myself up for disappointment. He was getting the shots. I have been told I will be using the gel. I have heard in a couple of cases that others have started with the gel and were not satisfied with the results and how slowly they were coming about. 


I don't want that disappointment, however there are a couple of things I need to find out first. One, is it more dangerous to use the shot, other than my extreme needle-phobia, does it in fact work faster, and will my insurance pay for the shot versus the gel. 


All of these questions will be answered on Friday, but it is freakin Tuesday right now and I have had those question going through my head for a long time now. I am not the most patient man ever. Lots will tell you that, and of course there are just some things I have to wait for. Life has taught me that very well, but I do not have to like it and probably never will. 


(As I am writing this I am going in and out of the house helping my son with his car, while he goes back and forth to the auto store to get the part needed. It just broke while we were putting it on so he is back at the auto store)


There is nothing else that makes me feel more masculine than being covered in car grease as I am right now. With the physical limitations on me at the moment I have a hard time going out and working on my own truck, but Danny only needed his positive cable changed out. Something he could have done all on his own, but he is a good boy and lets Dad come help him. He knows I miss working on cars and he knows I love the feel of car grease.


Life is going to change a little bit for us here when I start my T. I am hoping it is better as far as on my end. I want a better sex drive, I want to feel better about my body. I want these fucking breasts gone. I wake up every day hating them. I go to bed every night hating them. I spend every waking moment hating them. Hell I spend every sleeping moment hating them. I have dreams of cutting them off myself, of going through extreme pain just to get rid of them. I have had dreams of looking in a mirror and I see myself, exactly like I want my outside to look like. 


I don't think there are enough words in the language regardless of which, the says fully how I feel. Really I don't. 


Keep coming back here if you would like to see my progress on becoming the man I want to be. I am going to keep track like Eli did, except mine is going to be online. I hope it helps others who are like me.