I am NOT getting sick!

So yesterday I woke up with another headache. It could be for a few different reasons. One, because I think I am getting a chest cold again and I just feel generally like shit, or because I was in my mother in law’s house Friday night and they smoke in the house, which usually causes me respiratory distress (They don’t smoke in the house when I am over there, but you can still smell it). Two, there are storms surrounding us, but refusing to fall so the pressure is high and it generally causes havoc on my head. Three, the T is giving me headaches.

Now I don’t want to think the T is giving me headaches because I do not want to stop taking my T. That would be like taking my new born baby away from me. ( I am serious). I had the patch on my thigh during that time so I don’t think it could have been the patch. I know now not to put it on my back or where there is not a significant bit of meat to help it absorb. (I have a lot of spots that have meat and lots of it) So I wasn’t really thinking it could be the T. But who knows. The fact that I woke up with a stiff neck and a little headache today does me no favors except that I believe it is not the T. (thankfully, I think anyway) I have it on my bicep today and it seems that is the only time I don’t feel like I have a problem with it. I wonder if I am going to have to start using my right bicep as well. I mean there are a couple of reasons why I don’t want to use my right bicep.

This is one

The second reason is because I sleep on my right side the most. (or my stomach)

But when we get right down to it, if I have to use my right bicep then I will. No doubt about it. I will just have to find a way to do it without covering my girl up there.

So back to the whole “I am NoT getting sick routine”

My chest has been hurting, I would have just put it on the visit to the mother in law, but unfortunately I have been feeling like this since before I went to the house. So I can’t put the blame there, but I refuse to get sick.

This being said of course after I spent the entire day on the couch yesterday watching Xena with our ten year old.

Yes I am a Xena fan, get over it -grins-

So I thought I would talk a little bit of how I have been feeling lately. I wrote about my frustration over paying bills in my last post and the resulting bad mood. But, I am still in a bit of a ick mood. I am not sure why, I am not sure because of figuring out of how to get money for certain things, I mean this happens every month and we get our bills paid. There just is never any left to do anything fun. But we always make it through and we always find the money somewhere to do just a little bit. So why am I worried. We do this every month and we always get by, I just hate the process every damn month.

Other than that I wonder if it is the T. I don’t think it is.. or perhaps I don’t want to think it is. Maybe I am just going through that time of the month where estrogen rears its head and makes me pissy. I do still have my ovaries (yes I am planning on having them removed, when the money is available) and they like to let me know they are there a great deal of the time at least once a month.

I am also very emotional. Holy fuck! Really? All this time I thought men had better control over emotions. I am sorry to tell you ladies and gentlemen. Natural born men are taught to hide their emotions and keep them bottled up. T is very strong and it can do all sorts of things to your body. Now I expect things to get better once my body realizes it is getting exactly what it wants and needs and I begin to even out. I am also aware that I am at a very emotional time in my journey. I am putting a patch on every night that is feeding me T, that will make me start to change physically. Things that I will be able to see eventually. This is great.. so great.. in ways you cannot even imagine (unless you are doing the same thing) but it is also a pain in my ass because I am the least patient person in the world. I want the top surgery done.. not yesterday.. not last month.. more like so long ago it would cease to be a concern at any time in my life. Know what I mean? Anyway I want it done.. I want it over with.. I want results and I want them now.. but they are not going to come right now. It has been over a week. I am not sure how fast or how slow things really work, because every one is different.

I don’t hear a change in my voice I don’t see any thing physically different or changing about me. But hell Storm it has only been a freaking week. So I need to get over myself and be patient.. yeah that is right.. I need to learn patience.. but it needs to hurry up.

I realize this post is probably rambling and I have bored the tears out of most of my readers, but well this is a day in the life of Storm who is feeling insecure and very impatient. Oh and lets not forget I think I am getting sick.