Not sleeping well-june 12

So here it is 3 am and I am still up.

Normally if I am up this time of the night it is because I am reading, and I have been reading a lot lately. Something I find very relaxing and I need to do more of it, but with more balance.

I seem to get into this all of something stages. Like I work my ass off  from dawn till bedtime working on Alliance issues and trying to bring Pride to our town that I do not do anything to relax and enjoy life.

Then I get into this “fuck off” mood where I am tired of dealing with shit and all I want to do is escape into the fantasy land of fiction. Of which I have been doing a lot of lately.

Though I have to admit the last couple of days I have actually done some work in the morning before I actually pick up the book (or tablet in my case)

But tonight I finished the story I was reading about 2 am and attempted to go to sleep. Usually after reading I can just lay down and drift off to sleep.

Usually Angel is reading as well and we both can just drift off to sleep (well unless we decide to do something else first).

But today she has not been feeling well and I have to say it has me a bit concerned. She gets really really bad migraines and since we have been together (7 years now) they have lessened, but the past two weeks (she tells me this morning) she has been sporting a bad halo **If some of you do not know much about migraines, this halo thing is kind of like a pressure of an oncoming migraine. She sees auras and little fuzzies in her eye sight*** She decided to tell me this after I commented about her squinting her eyes to look at something I was showing her.

I almost wish she would get the headache so we could deal with it and it would be over for her, but I hate to see her in pain like that.

Anyway tonight, since she has not been feeling well, we went into the bedroom early around 730 pm. I had intentions of reading while she relaxed, instead I ended up pulling her onto my chest and we both dozed off.

Actually the sight was more like.. I was propped up on my pillows a little with Angel tucked into my shoulder, her head on my chest with her arm over my stomach as I played my fingers over the outside of her ear. I do that alot.. and then of course our puppy who gets very jealous decides she needs some attention as well, crawls up on my chest pressing her little body to mommy and lays her head down as well. So here I am being a big ole pillow to two of my favorite girls and we all dozed off for about an hour.

Until Angel finally realized she needed to shift, in which she turned over, got more comfortable and I started to read.

Now six hours later, I am done with my reading and I can’t sleep.

I have been thinking about my writing as well.


I have several stories I have been writing on for a few years (actually more than a few years), but I have not finished any of them. I think that is Angel’s biggest beef with me sometimes is that I never finish any of my writing.

I am not sure why that is. She likes the stories and says I am a good writer, but I personally think they suck and never come out the way I see them in my head.

I am not sure.

Well I am rambling, my eyes are getting tired since most times all I do is stare at some sort of computer screen and I just heard Angel moving around in our room, so I am going to go cuddle up to her and hope I can sleep.

Maybe tonight I will have that dream again where I look in the mirror and see the man inside of me staring back at me.

One can hope